Susanne Maynes

Christians are supposed to be the nicest of all people, always smiling and never creating any conflict. Or so we’ve been told.

How on earth did we get this idea, when the Savior we are following got
himself in so much trouble he ultimately got killed for it?

When my sons were half-grown, I read Wild at Heart by John
Eldredge, and then Jesus, Mean and Wild by Mark Batterson. These books,
among others, not only helped me understand my men-folk, but life itself. I
realized that the parental injunction I had given my sons never to call anyone
names was not entirely balanced.

Jesus had some choice words for certain people – generally, the religious bullies of his day.

But not me. I was raised to be a nice girl. I knew how to comply with the rules, become the teacher’s pet, and earn the prizes in Sunday school. I was the quintessential good girl.

The trouble is, I was a wimp.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you were told to be nice, but were never
given the tools to stand up for yourself — or for others. Maybe “no” was never
a part of your vocabulary, because no adult ever told you it was okay to use
it.

If so, you might struggle with Nice Lady or Nice Guy Syndrome. Symptoms
include:

• buried resentment
• intimidation
• helpless anger
• inability to confront
• poor boundaries

Doesn’t sound like healthy living, does it?

Here’s a truth to set us free: God is not nice. God is good. He is kind.

Those virtues are not the same thing as niceness, which can be a cover for evil.

“Conflict avoidance disguised as‘patience’ or ‘gentleness’ is a false front; the vice of cowardice is frequently disguised by a ‘forebearing spirit’ and a false understanding of gentleness,” says Paul Coughlin in No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps.

So I aspire to be kind and good. I’m learning to be more courageous.

But I no longer care to win the Nice Lady award.

One memorable day back in my teens, I remember being pleased about my self-image – a rare feeling indeed for a socially awkward, fashion-challenged introvert like me. But I was getting my braces off, and my hair was finally growing out from an abysmal pixie cut. Things were on the upswing. I remember thinking, I’m finally getting it together! That illusion still follows me around in adulthood like a stray puppy that won’t leave. Nowadays the issues might be a little deeper – I think I’m getting more disciplined, more gracious, less self-centered—but sooner or later, reality hits. I’m Continue Reading

 I’m a storyteller by nature. I love good acting, too. So it’s really tempting when I am experiencing a particularly spectacular trial to make much of it. I want others to hear every dramatic detail so they can fully appreciate what I am going through.  The problem is I often end up making more of my circumstances than I do of my God. I am coming to the conclusion that I have a choice to make.   I can play up the drama, rehearsing and reliving it over and over, or I can intentionally glorify God with my words. Here’s the latest example: I’ve been having a pretty interesting (yes, Continue Reading