One memorable day back in my teens, I remember being pleased about my self-image – a rare feeling indeed for a socially awkward, fashion-challenged introvert like me. But I was getting my braces off, and my hair was finally growing out from an abysmal pixie cut. Things were on the upswing. I remember thinking,
I’m finally getting it together!
That illusion still follows me around in adulthood like a stray puppy that won’t leave. Nowadays the issues might be a little deeper – I think I’m getting more disciplined, more gracious, less self-centered—but sooner or later, reality hits.
I’m a train wreck. And that’s okay.
I’m learning that following Christ is not a self-improvement program, but rather a radical, ongoing do-over from the inside out. I’m not in charge of this transformation; Jesus is. And that’s what sets my mind at ease.
As long as I act like it’s about trying harder and rubbing myself shinier, I will be torn between the elation of momentary success and the despair of not measuring up. It’s a lose-lose scenario which Jesus addressed when he confronted the religious leaders of his day.
If anyone looked good on the outside, it was the Pharisees. They had all the bible answers. They prayed eloquently. They were respected in their communities. These guys had brought self-improvement to the next level. Who wouldn’t want to be like them?
Jesus didn’t.
Reading through his warnings in Matthew 23, I am sobered.
Self-improvement is not just a bad idea. It’s evil.
That’s because we rely on ourselves to bring about the changes we want to make rather than relying on God’s great grace and power to transform us into what he wants.
So it’s not just that God isn’t impressed with my puny attempts to get “better in every way, every day.” He is actually repelled by my idolatry.
On the other hand, when I throw myself on his mercy, knowing I am helpless to fix me, he is delighted to offer me the strength to obey.
So I’m a train wreck in transformation, and Jesus is in charge of the do-over.
I am changed, not by following twelve steps, or believing in myself, or coaching myself to take baby steps. I am changed by the power of Christ, whose Spirit dwells in me and daily refines me more and more into Jesus’ likeness.
That’s the only “self-improvement program” I will ever need.
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