Christians are supposed to be the nicest of all people, always smiling and never creating any conflict. Or so we’ve been told.
How on earth did we get this idea, when the Savior we are following got
himself in so much trouble he ultimately got killed for it?
When my sons were half-grown, I read Wild at Heart by John
Eldredge, and then Jesus, Mean and Wild by Mark Batterson. These books,
among others, not only helped me understand my men-folk, but life itself. I
realized that the parental injunction I had given my sons never to call anyone
names was not entirely balanced.
Jesus had some choice words for certain people – generally, the religious bullies of his day.
But not me. I was raised to be a nice girl. I knew how to comply with the rules, become the teacher’s pet, and earn the prizes in Sunday school. I was the quintessential good girl.
The trouble is, I was a wimp.
Maybe you can relate. Maybe you were told to be nice, but were never
given the tools to stand up for yourself — or for others. Maybe “no” was never
a part of your vocabulary, because no adult ever told you it was okay to use
it.
If so, you might struggle with Nice Lady or Nice Guy Syndrome. Symptoms
include:
- buried resentment
- intimidation
- helpless anger
- inability to confront
- poor boundaries
Doesn’t sound like healthy living, does it?
Here’s a truth to set us free: God is not nice. God is good. He is kind.
Those virtues are not the same thing as niceness, which can be a cover for evil.
“Conflict avoidance disguised as‘patience’ or ‘gentleness’ is a false front; the vice of cowardice is frequently disguised by a ‘forebearing spirit’ and a false understanding of gentleness,” says Paul Coughlin in No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps.
So I aspire to be kind and good. I’m learning to be more courageous.
But I no longer care to win the Nice Lady award.