My brother Wil has trouble hearing. As health problems will do, his condition sometimes causes him to feel frustrated, depressed and isolated.
One day, he made plans to meet a good friend of his — we’ll call him John — in a public parking lot.
As Wil waited near his car, John approached him from out of his line of sight. Wil didn’t notice him until John was almost right next to him.
“You are hilarious!” grinned John. “I was right there and you didn’t notice me!”
On the outside, Wil managed a smile. On the inside, he was crushed.
John was just being funny — but by making light of Wil’s hardship, he left him feeling more alone in his suffering than ever.
Has something like that ever happened to you?
Humor is a funny thing (pun intended). On the one hand, it’s good for us. To read one of many scientific studies indicating that laughter boosts the immune system, click here.
Gotta love it when science verifies what the Bible has been saying all along.
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” — Proverbs 17:22
It’s a good thing to put a smile on someone’s face with a joke.
The problem arises when we cross the delicate line from laughing with to laughing at.
Humor has the power to heal, but it also has the power to hurt. Just like medicine, humor’s power can be used for good or for harm.
“Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I am only joking!’ “ — Proverbs 26:18,19
Not all humor is harmless!
It’s been said there is a little truth in every joke — by extension, there is a little deception as well.
Our “just kidding” is capable of deceiving and hurting others.
Words have power. Carelessly throwing them around, even in jest, can seriously wound people.
And if our words hurt someone, it’s really not okay to put it back on them and insist that they are too sensitive. Catch yourself if you tend to say, “Oh come on, I was just kidding.”
The responsibility is on you to make things right.
After all, your wounded friend is not the one God describes as a madman!
You may protest, “I didn’t mean to hurt their feelings. They just took it the wrong way!”
Here’s the problem: You are a finite person. You do not know what triggers someone else may have in their soul. You don’t know the details of their history or the pain they may have experienced.
You’re not actually capable of judging how they “should” respond.
It ‘s always best to follow the law of love and show respect to the other party. If we are the one with the firebrand or the bow in our hand, we need to swallow our pride and acknowledge that we have caused harm.
When Scott and I got married, the minister said,
“Feelings are neither right or wrong. They are just feelings. It’s what you do with them that matters.”
That’s sage advice we have never forgotten. Hurt feelings are not “wrong.” They simply are.
The next time I realize my joke feels like a flaming arrow to someone’s heart, I have a choice:
Will I protest that the other person is immature?
Or will I choose to grow up myself?
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