It’s a cute, common sentiment. Grandparents are softies towards grandchildren, so we talk about how much we enjoy spoiling them.
Seems harmless enough. All we mean by it is we want to shower some affection on the little darlings, right?
I have nothing against loving on your grandchildren.
Reuel makes my day just by running for me shouting, “Nana!” when I come over. I melt when Aviella reaches for me, all smiles and wiggly fingers.
I’ve looked forward to this season of life for years, this sweet reward after the intensive years of raising my own kids.
But here’s my issue with the notion of spoiling grandkids — or even joking about it.
Words matter. God created everything by speaking it into existence, and we are made in his image. This means we cannot take the power of our words lightly.
What we say influences what we believe and how we behave.
Consider this Miriam-Webster’s dictionary definition of spoil:
1. to have a bad effect on (something) : to damage or ruin (something)
2. to decay or lose freshness especially because of being kept too long
3. to give (someone, such as a child) everything that he or she wants : to have a bad effect on (someone) by allowing too many things or by not correcting bad behavior
Damage. Ruin. Decay. Is that how I want to affect my grandchildren?
It’s not that we have an evil plan in mind to turn them into entitled consumers, right? It’s just that we can’t resist the look of pleasure on their little faces when we buy them things or give in to their whims.
It’s so much fun to give them treats and toys, and then hand them back over to their parents for the hard work.
Yes, the parents need to set the boundaries and mete out discipline.
Yes, it’s the reward of this season of life to enjoy the sweetness of our grandchildren without being primarily responsible for their character development.
Still, I don’t want to be That Nana. You know, the one that breaks Mommy and Daddy’s rules about candy, or TV shows, or which toys to purchase for little Johnny. The one who refuses to correct bad behavior because she doesn’t want to deal with it.
The Nana who wants to be adored, but isn’t willing to practice restraint.
No, I want to be a different Nana. I want to come alongside my son and his wife as they endeavor to do exactly what I was trying to do a generation ago — raise godly children. I want to underscore to my grandchildren the same bible-based wisdom I worked hard to impart to my sons.
As my son and daughter-in-law work at parenting well, why on earth would I undermine their efforts?
So I pay attention to the boundaries Daniel and Amanda set, and I listen to their vision for their children’s characters and destinies. I hope to come alongside my adult children as a helpful reinforcement.
I’ve got plenty of room for growth in this, mind you — but maybe making my goals public will help me fulfill them. Examples:
- Be intentional about spending time with Reu and Avi, even if it’s inconvenient.
- Read to them, and impart wisdom from my life experience.
- Take them outside and point out the beauty of creation.
- Speak blessing over them, pray for them, and talk about Jesus with them.
- Give them occasional gifts and overlook an offense now and then, out of grace and mercy.
Do I intend to enjoy my grandchildren thoroughly and love them deeply? Absolutely. Do I intend to spoil them?
Not this Nana.
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