The third-grade student looked up sheepishly at his teacher after grading his own paper. Several red marks stood out on the page, silent accusers of his incompetency — or so he feared.
But the teacher’s eyes brightened when she saw his paper.
“Oh, you caught yourself!” she said. “Good job! Did you know that mistakes are valuable? You can learn from them and figure out what to do next time.”
A weight lifted from the boy’s shoulders. He had caught himself! He had done a good job! Now he could figure out how to better solve the same problems next time.
This is the power of regret. This is the secret of using what went wrong to improve our approach to the future.
The theme of learning, changing, and maturing is woven throughout the Bible. Here’s one example:
“Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle, or it will not stay near you.” –Psalm 32:9
In other words, learn the lesson. Don’t be stubborn. Don’t force God to clock you over the head with a two-by-four to get your attention.
Don’t follow pop culture on the topic of regret.
I hear this all the time these days: No regrets. The past is the past. It’s simply part of who you are today. It’s all good.
Really?
It seems to me this point of view means one of two things:
- All my choices are great (because I’m pretty awesome and have nothing to learn), or
- My choices don’t really have an effect (so I can be careless, apathetic, and morally irresponsible).
Neither of these line up with God’s repeated instruction for us to learn from the things we go through. Jesus said,
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” –Matthew 11:29
God is teaching us all the time. And since his kingdom is an upside-down kingdom, his school is an upside-down school, too.
In our human schools, we study first, and then take a test to see if we retained the material. In God’s school of the spirit, he tests us first, and then he reveals the lesson — and thereby our hearts.
Learning is linked to humility.
The proud man or woman has nothing to learn, but the humble person assumes he or she has room for improvement.
This does not equal poor self-esteem. Quite the reverse.
I suspect we are afraid of regret because we equate it with failure. We paint ourselves into a corner and figure the only way out is to deny we made a mistake in the first place.
But real humility is accurate self-assessment.
Humility says, God showed me where I went wrong. He will give me the grace to learn from this mistake so that I can face this same issue with more wisdom next time.
There’s no personal beating up here. No need to pretend that all our choices are great — or terrible. Just the blessing of realizing that our regrets can become tools for ever-increasingly godly living in the future.
“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.” – 2 Peter 1:3
Continue reading that passage, and you’ll find all sorts of character qualities you will grow in as God provides the tests and lessons to take to heart.
No regrets? Nah. Plenty of them. But in Christ, humbly facing our regrets helps us become more like him.
What regrets from 2014 can you leverage for the sake of 2015?
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In 2014 I regret settling for brief Facebook connections with friends. In 2015 I will be more intentional to spend quality face to face time with friends. I deleted Facebook from my phone and will just plan to check it once a week on my computer. Thank you for the encouragement to learn from my regrets. You will be getting a call from me for face to face time my friend!
Sounds good, Clare! Regret can help us be better friends — isn’t that interesting?
Susanne,
excellent and provoking thoughts.
If only we could see growing and maturing from God’s perspective, we would all benefit.
thanks for the fresh paradigm.
Hugh
Thank you, Hugh. God turns regret into a great teacher if we let him, doesn’t he?