I couldn’t believe it. I actually had a shot at getting into Lori’s club!
My next-door neighbor was popular among us first-graders. On this particular day, a bunch of us were gathered on her driveway.
White go-go boots clacking, Lori circled us, pondering who among us was worthy of being chosen. I held my breath.
My mother would never let me wear white go-go boots. –she didn’t believe in spending money on trendy clothing fads. But if I could be in the club, I could hang out with those who did get to wear them.
Popularity by association — it just might work!
“Let’s see … everyone who is wearing white gets to be in the club,” Lori announced. I glanced down at my print shirt. Yes!!
“I’m wearing white!” I burst out, ready to make a solemn kid club vow. Lori just looked at my shirt, frowning.
“Um, that’s not white,” she said. “That’s off-white.”
That was the moment. That sinking feeling when you realize the other person has no intention of letting you in.
Rejection is painful. We hate it. We all want to fit in, to be accepted just as we are, no matter the color of our clothing, or our skin, or whatever we struggle with.
Acceptance is a universal human longing … but I’m learning not to make it my highest aspiration.
As I’ve matured, I’ve realized that I want something more than mere acceptance from others.
I want respect.
Acceptance says: You are welcome just as you are. I will not reject you.
Respect says: You have earned my admiration. You are an example worthy of following.
See the difference?
Acceptance is important, and it’s a great place to start, but respect demonstrates value on a higher level.
These days, I’m far less worried about the Lori’s of this world. I am less interested in being accepted and more interested in being respected.
Which means I need to be a respectable person — and that begins with self-respect.
Now here’s the counter-intuitive part: The path to self-respect is paved with service to others.
Consider the words of Jesus:
“Whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
Here’s the challenge: When I walk into a room, do I seek to get all the “Lori’s” to like me? Or do I look for ways to make others feel included and valuable?
If I choose the former, I put myself in a kind of prison. There will always be someone in the crowd who doesn’t like me, no matter what.
Seeking the approval of others is a frustrating, dead-end way to live.
On the other hand, if I choose the latter, I’m walking in Jesus’ footsteps — and as I look to the needs of others, respect quietly comes my way.
It may never come from the Lori’s of the world. I’ve learned to be fine with that. But respect will come from those with eyes to see who I really am.
That’s a far sweeter reward than simply getting into the club.
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Really good. Thanks for pointing out the difference between acceptance and respect, and the reminder that the way up is always down.