How Personal History is like a Bed Spring

Thirty-one years later, a thousand miles from where I’ve landed, I find myself back at a sacred place deep in a redwood forest. A trickling stream meanders through ferns and ivy, Stellar jays flit and scold, fragrance of jasmine blossoms hangs in the air.This is where he asked me to marry him.It’s a few steps to the entrance of the auditorium where, months later, we would take our vows. Today, organ music beckons me again, this time for the Palm Sunday service at the writers’ conference I helped organize when I worked here.I’ve come full circle.

God has ordered my every step. I have known this intellectually. Today I know it viscerally.

What if I had gone to a different school, as I had considered? What if I hadn’t landed this job, met Scott here? What of our sons, our grandchildren?

One hundred-seventy voices sing,

O Love that will not let me go, I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe, that in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.…

We take communion. The woman seated next to me takes off her shoes before going forward to receive the elements. Later, she tells me why: this is holy ground.

I am undone.

        God is good. All the time. There is no oversight on his part, no surprise, no dismay. For those who love him and live according to his plan, he really does orchestrate all things together beautifully, just as Paul declares in Romans 8:28.Sociologist Arnold Toynbee writes that history is like a bedspring, moving in circular patterns and repeating itself, yet with upward movement.Likewise, God in his sovereignty takes us back around to places, to circumstances, to significant events of our lives. It may feel like we are going in circles, yet we actually end up on a higher plane.In the returning, whether geographical or emotional or spiritual, we can see how much God has accomplished in us since the last time we stood in the same spot.

Sometimes we need to leave and return in order to heal. Sometimes we need to go through a cycle of seasons before we have a breakthrough. When we do, the majesty and wisdom and kindness of God come into sharper focus. We come to understand a little more about who he intends for us to be.

What place have you revisited lately, either literally or in your soul? How is it different this time – and how have you changed?