So I'm on this gleeful rampage of cleaning out my files, and I run across an article I'd clipped ten years ago. It's entitled "Shame May Not Be So Bad After All." In this still-timely article, Dr. Joyce Brothers articulates the difference between good shame and bad shame. Here's an example of bad shame: My Kindergarten teacher regularly called me "Slowpoke." She didn't realize until I was in first grade that I had only recently learned English and needed time to mentally translate her instructions from English to German. Bad shame humiliates and makes Continue Reading
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What to do When You’re Not Proud of Your Attitude
It's time for another true confession. Remember the Disney driver's education movies starring Goofy? (This reveals my age, but that's not what I'm embarrassed about.) Goofy plays the kind, friendly Mr. Walker when he is a pedestrian -- but put him behind the wheel of a car, and he morphs into the crabby, impatient, self-righteous Mr. Wheeler. Gone is Mr. Walker's warm smile; in its place is Mr. Wheeler's glowering countenance, angry voice and heavy hand on the horn. I've been That Lady, way too many times. Oh, I might not honk much, but my attitude when Continue Reading
Why I’m Not the Boss of Me Anymore — and Why I’m OK With That
He found it in his father's workshop, beat up and weathered almost beyond recognition, its compartments filled with nails and bolts and screws. But that's not what it was made for. My cousin Matthias, who lives in Germany, recognized the old secretary as one of the woodworking masterpieces our great-grandfather had hand-crafted in the 1890's. He paid somewhere around $2,000 to have it restored. This stunning piece is now displayed in Matthias' living room. I've often heard about the process of restoration from my father, himself a worker in finely crafted wood Continue Reading
How to Avoid Making a Sincere Apology
You know that awkward moment when you realize you've done something that hurt another person, but you really want to save face? We've all been there. It's humbling and downright painful to take the blame and ask the other person to forgive us, isn't it? I mean, it makes us look bad. It makes us feel bad about ourselves. Sounds like low self-esteem to me, and we can't be having any of that, now, can we? Not to worry: In light of our dilemma, I've developed a strategy. You may be familiar with some of these already, or you may even have others that could be added Continue Reading