We’re sitting at dinner with our oldest son and his family. Five-year-old Reuel wants to know which movies I’ve seen.
“Have you seen Planes?” he asks.
“Yes, I have,” I reply.
“How about Planes 2?”
“I’m not sure, but I think so.”
“Have you seen Cars 2?”
“No, I don’t think I’ve seen Cars 2.”
“Yes, you have!” Reu says gleefully. “There are two cars right there on your driveway!”
Stand-up comedy, Kindergarten style.
I’m glad my grandson is developing his sense of humor, but I’m even more grateful for the way his parents develop his character (and that of his siblings).
Here are four things I’ve observed about the way my grandchildren are being raised:
- They are required to demonstrate common courtesy.
When Danny and Amanda come over for dinner with their family, we consistently hear “Please” and “Thank you” from our grandchildren (the ones old enough to talk).
They offer us compliments such as, “I like your decorations!” and conversation starters like, “What was your favorite thing today?”
I recently allowed three-year-old Avi to borrow a plastic pearl bracelet for the afternoon. “Oh, fanks, Nana!!” she enthused. (I’m going to be sad when she starts pronouncing “th” correctly…)
At times when the kids forget their P’s and Q’s, their parents bring correction and instruction in the art of politeness.
I’m glad they’re learning common courtesy. On the other hand, I’m also glad…
- They are not required to give hugs and kisses to adults, even relatives.
When they leave our home after a visit, the youngsters are encouraged to “give cuddles” to Nana and Papa Scott.
Sometimes our grandkids are disgruntled about having to leave, so they don’t want to hug us. Their parents don’t force the issue, and here’s why I’m glad they don’t:
Allowing young children to have a voice in giving and receiving affection empowers them. It helps them say “No!” in potentially creepy situations.
I’d much rather my grandchildren have a choice about hugging me than be trained into total compliance and end up in a harmful situation with no way out.
Having said that, hugs or not, our grandchildren still have to thank us for dinner and give us a high five when they leave.
Affection is optional; courtesy is not.
- They are praised by their parents with, “Good job!”
Past generations were prone to withhold praise entirely, believing it would lead to sinful pride in their children.
My generation of parents was prone to say, “Good boy!” or “Good girl!” when our children did well, but that choice of words can lead to the damaging belief that parental love is conditional based upon performance.
I believe the best approach is the one my adult kids use: generously offer praise when it’s earned, but keep personhood separate from performance.
When children have done well, the affirming words, “Good job!” helps them thrive without picking up the confusing message that Mommy or Daddy only love and value them if they perform well.
Last, but most important …
- They know the family rules are rooted in God’s Word.
Our granddaughter Lainey, daughter to our son Sam and daughter-in-law Jamé, will celebrate her first birthday later this month.
When she was only a few weeks old, Sam and Jamé started a nightly bedtime routine of reading Lainey a Bible story and praying for her.
From the time they’ve understood anything, all four of our grandchildren have understood this vital truth:
I am loved and highly valued –and my life is not about me.
They’re learning that life is about loving, obeying and enjoying Jesus, and loving others above themselves.
So to Daniel and Amanda, and Samuel and Jameson, this grateful Nana says: “Good job!”
Photo Credit: Amanda Maynes and Samuel Maynes
