Cattle wander along rolling hills under a sunny sky. I’m homeward bound from a visit with my son Jed and my newest daughter-in-law Rebecca. Tears sting my eyes as I drive.
Photo credit: Iakov Filimonov, Shutterstock
Oh, no, did you have a tiff with the girl?
There’s plenty of mother-in-law jokes out there, and plenty of conflict within families. I wouldn’t blame you for making that assumption.
Thankfully, my tears that day were happy tears. I’d been reflecting on the three young women that God brought into our family, the brides well-chosen by our sons.
Scott and I had prayed for many years for these young women. We asked God to keep them and bless them and help them to love Jesus with all their hearts. We prayed they would come into our sons’ lives at just the right time.
What took me by surprise is how I would come to feel about Amanda, Jamé and Rebecca. Which is why I whispered to God on the drive home that day:
I didn’t know how much I would love them!
See, following Jesus is different than doing things the world’s way. Our culture makes demeaning remarks about in-law relationships. It assumes the worst.
According to Jesus, the “normal” for in-law relationships is not strife, conflict and bitterness—it’s closeness. In his description of what will happen within families when some members serve him and others don’t, he says this:
They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.” –Luke 12:53
In Jesus eyes, normal in-law relationships look like love and harmony.
The only thing that would have the power to divide family members is not being on the same page spiritually. If that’s the case in your family, you can lean into God as your resource to love despite disagreements.
On the other hand, if everyone follows Jesus, your family has the potential for love and harmony of the highest order.
Here are some ways to intentionally promote love in your relationships with your in-laws:
- Pray for them. There’s power in keeping all your family members before God in prayer. Don’t forget to thank God for your in-laws.
- Celebrate what they bring to the table. Your in-laws contribute something unique to your family . This might put you outside your comfort zone, but their presence widens your perspective and blossoms your family into more than you were without them.
- Listen to them. Demonstrate that you care about their heart. It can be tempting for a parent-in-law to give unsolicited advice, and it can be tempting for a son or daughter-in-law to be less than respectful. Try to hear each other.
- Honor and affirm them. Tell them what you appreciate about their actions, attitude and character. Look for the good. Make a point of praising instead of criticizing, both in front of them and when they’re not around.
Those are just a few tips to get you started on intentional love and harmony.
I relish the years ahead with Amanda, Jamé and Rebecca. I anticipate our whole family growing together in Christ and becoming more and more deeply bonded over time.
That’s my prayer for you as well.
When you talk to God about your in-laws, may the tears that sting your eyes be tears of joy.
Great post-Susanne, with lots of good advice. I have yet to have the pleasure of having a daughter and sons in law. I do pray in advance for them to the Father as He holds them in His hands.
Margaret, you’re already on the right track! May you thoroughly enjoy them when God brings them along.
Well, now I’m a blubbering mess! Thank you, Mama, for leading by example, for wise counsel (when asked), and for loving and praying for us! I love you, and I’m incredibly blessed to be loved by you.
I love you, too, Amanda! I’m so grateful to God for you, and I’m confident the years will only increase my joy in having you as a daughter-in-law.