“I’m an atheist.” The young man looked me straight in the eye and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Okay,” I said. “Tell me more about your life.” I learned that “John” had grown up in a religious home. His father took him to church every Sunday — and then beat him during the week.
I asked John, “When was it that you decided to become an atheist?”
“The day my dad threw me out of the house.”
John’s dad claims to be a Christian — but does he demonstrate authentic faith?
If you are a follower of Christ and you have children, you already know there’s a daunting task before you. How can a prone-to-sin parent teach a prone-to-sin child to love and serve Jesus?
What does it mean to be authentic as a Christian parent?
Recently, I wrote about what authenticity is –and what it isn’t.
These days, what we mean by” authentic” is that we embrace our personal emotional experience as the truth, and then speak our minds without a filter.
Most of the time, “keeping it real” just means saying whatever we feel like saying, regardless of how it affects others.
Is this the kind of “authenticity” that will help you raise wholehearted Jesus followers?
I’m gonna say no.
For our purposes here, I’m defining “authentic” as “real.” By real, I don’t mean as in, “This is what I feel,” but as in, “This is who I am.” In other words,
An authentic person is one whose behavior matches what they say they believe.
An authentic mom is the same person at Bible study as she is at her kids’ soccer practice. An authentic dad is the same person at church as he is at home.
I get it, you’re thinking, but I make mistakes. I’m not perfect.
We’re all in that same boat. There’s good news for us recovering hypocrites.
Authenticity means owning up to our need for the gospel every day.
It means recognizing our constant need for the cross and God’s grace. It means being humble and asking for forgiveness when we mess up.
Authentic parents don’t pretend to be perfect.
Rather, they lean into Jesus for the grace to raise and train children — and when they sin against their children, they ask for God’s forgiveness.
They also ask their children to forgive them.
“I was wrong to yell at you. I needed to correct you, but how I did it was harsh and mean, and I know I hurt your feelings. Would you please forgive me?”
By modeling this kind of humility, parents maintain a spiritually and emotionally safe environment for their family. There’s no double standard. Everyone needs grace, and everyone gets grace.
Evidently, John’s father doesn’t understand the gospel. He thinks Christianity is about keeping religious traditions.
His behavior doesn’t match what he says he believes.
Imagine if John’s dad repented of his fits of rage and the damage he’s done, and humbled himself enough to ask his son to forgive him. Imagine how the gospel could transform their relationship.
I pray that day comes.
Meanwhile, John accepted a Bible and decided to re-examine the faith for himself, apart from the poor model his father offered. That’s the gospel at work despite a major mess-up.
Being an authentic Christian parent is not about your feelings, nor is it about your perfection.
It’s about who you really are –a precious, broken human being who daily receives and offers grace.
That’s how to keep it real for your kids.
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