9 Cultural Values that can Ruin your Relationships – Part 3

We’ve been examining nine values common to our culture which negatively affect our relationships. These values hugely influence how we relate to others and cope with emotional pain.

I hope you’re beginning to recognize these patterns so you can live counter-culturally.

Just a reminder: You’ll find most of these paradigms in “The Immersion Experience,” a curriculum by Dr. David Eckhart and Tim Rule.  Find out more at aphesisgroup.com.

The list:

1. Consumerism — getting stuff and using it up
2. Materialism — choosing things over people
3. Pleasure-dependency — gotta be entertained
4. Pain-avoidance — don’t want to hurt
5. Image-sensitivity — looks are everything
6. Information addiction — craving to know it all now
7. Productivity-driven — accomplishments matter most
8. Utilitarian attitude — using people
9. Attitude of entitlement — I deserve my rights

Information-Addiction

Adam and Eve were led into the first sin  by means of the same bait we are lured with today — knowledge (Genesis 3).

In our culture, to know is to have power. With a click, we can find a definition for “panacea,” or discover what’s going on in China, or read up on the latest cancer research.

Information, in and of itself, is not a bad thing; ignorance really isn’t bliss.

But today, information is so readily accessible that we stand in front of a veritable fire hose of factoids, drenched and sputtering — yet craving for more.

In our great-grandparents’ day, people were concerned with what happened right around them. Now we get to worry about everything from Ebola to Iraq.

And while knowledge might equal power, it also equals stress.

Gaining the majority of our information through social media creates another conundrum; how do we know what is urban legend, and what is truth? How do we know which source is trustworthy? And what does this shaky trust factor do to our relationships?
Productivity-Driven
This is a powerful stronghold in Western thinking. The work ethic our ancestors handed down to us has morphed into an obsession. We measure the value of individuals not by who they are, but by what they get done.

As I go about a typical day, I usually have some kind of schedule and a list of things that need to be accomplished. At the end of the day, if the stuff gets done, I feel happy. If not, I feel grumpy, because I’m “behind.”

Can you relate?

Time is a precious commodity to us. We are an attention-deficit society, distracted by our do-do-do lists (perhaps more appropriately called  “doo-doo”).

This is why time is the new cup of cold water.

In Matthew 10:42, Jesus says, “And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.”

Cool water was a rare refreshment in Jesus’ time. What if today, he is asking us to lay aside our oh-so-important duties to give others the gift of time?
Utilitarian Attitude
Because we value productive people, unfortunately, the reverse is also true — we devalue those who aren’t useful.

This issue is at the heart of abortion and euthanasia discussions. The argument is that some people — the elderly, infirm, or unborn, for example — are expendable, because they don’t “contribute to society.”

It’s astonishing what we fail to learn from history. The moment we categorize certain people as having less intrinsic worth than others, we stray into a dehumanized, evil way of thinking.

Slavery. Genocide. The holocaust.

Utilitarian thinking views people as machines to be used and disposed of.

Even in our ordinary dealings with others, we can be guilty of using people for our own agendas, and ignoring them when the relationship no longer benefits us.

I’ve done it. Likely you have, too.

It’s been said, “Don’t use people and love things; rather,  love people and use things.”

That’s a good way to sum up what we’ve explored about cultural values.

How have you been tempted with information addiction, the drive to produce, or using people?

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