Ever suddenly notice a phrase or idea that everyone commonly uses, and then stop to think about whether you actually agree with it?
I’m not a big fan of group-think, so I find myself doing this fairly often. The latest term I’ve decided to scrutinize is “unprotected sex.”
I work at a pregnancy help center, and avoiding unprotected sex is a mantra which our clients hear from their schools, the media and the health department all day long.
Be sure to use birth control properly. That’s the rule of today’s religion du jur … the religion that worships sexual “freedom.”
This religion says shame should not be connected to having sex with people you aren’t married to; it should only be connected to messing up on using birth control.
I’ve seen it so many times, the embarrassment in the downcast eyes of the girl who confesses, “I couldn’t get to the Health Department in time for my next shot.” Or, “I missed some of my pills.”
She has no such look when we talk about the multiple partners she’s had. She’s matter-of-fact about it, even flippant.
Shame? That only enters the picture when she admits to having “unprotected sex.” She didn’t follow the rules and now she feels stupid.
Here’s how the dictionary defines protect:
“To keep (someone or something) from being harmed, lost, etc. To cover or shield from exposure, injury, damage, or destruction.”
From what are we protecting ourselves when we engage in “unprotected sex?”
Spoiler alert: it’s not really STD’s. Many birth control methods offer no protection against such infections or diseases; others may lower the risk, but do not truly prevent them.
No, to be honest, we are mostly trying to protect ourselves from an unintended pregnancy.
In other words, the perceived threat is a baby.
I recognize there are many difficult scenarios when it comes to unplanned pregnancies. I also recognize there are varying opinions on the use of birth control, even within marriage.
My point here is simply to expose a cultural paradigm in light of what God has to say on the subject.
From Genesis to Revelation, God always refers to children as a blessing. And yet we think of children as something we need to protect ourselves against?
How can a baby put us in danger of harm, injury, damage, destruction or loss?
Much of the talk about “unprotected sex” is aimed at teens and singles. The reason pregnancy must be prevented is that the girl is still in high school, or she slept with two or more guys during the same week, or she goes to parties and doesn’t remember what happened there.
Let’s think about this for a moment: How is birth control protecting a girl in those scenarios?
Is it protecting her overall health? Her emotional stability? Her dignity and peace of mind?
The only thing birth control is doing for her is providing a flimsy bit of “risk reduction” when it comes to getting pregnant at a bad time.
It does nothing at all to stop her from experiencing harm, injury, damage, destruction and loss on so many other levels it makes the head spin.
Maybe we need to re-define the phrase. Maybe by “unprotected sex, ” we should mean sex outside of marriage.
Such unprotected sex results not just in untimely babies, but in heartache, fear, depression, and anxiety. That’s not what God had in mind when he created our sexuality.
God help us to think through this issue– and teach our youth how to truly be protected.
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Thank you so much, Susanne, for pointing this out in black and white. Amen! So much can be devoted to this topic and all its sub-topics, but this point nails a basic false tenet: that as long as one uses birth control everything is permissible, nay, even good. So much harm is being done to young women as this lie is propagated. I’m so encouraged you are able to meet some of these women at the clinic and hopefully shed light on this dark area.
Thanks, Ursula! I am so glad for the opportunity to speak the truth in love, and make a difference.