What Our Feelings-First Culture Forgot to Tell You

How do you feel today? Happy? Disappointed? Hopeless? Ecstatic?Irritated? Whatever feeling you are experiencing right now, it probably won’t last forever.
 

Feelings are like the weather. The emotional climate of your heart changes all the time.
 
Feelings have an important role in our lives, but because they are all over the map, we get into trouble when we let them lead our behavior.
 
In days gone by, this wasn’t a big problem, because feelings were not commonly discussed. One did one’s work, children were to be seen and not heard, and feelings did not enter into the discussion of what mattered in daily life.
 
This led to problems, and the pendulum swung the other way.
 
These days, feelings have become disproportionately huge players in our beliefs and actions.Evidently, we’ve come to believe that feelings always tell us the truth.
 
We have even stopped saying “I think” and have replaced that phrase with “I feel like.” That subtle change illustrates a shift in where our trust lies.
 
We no longer inform our feelings with the facts; we inform the facts with our feelings.
 

 
A few years back, I was in the courtroom waiting to see if I would be selected for jury duty. The judge asked us, Would anything cause you to be less than objective in this case?
 
One woman launched into a tirade about what the “cops” had done in some situation with her brother and how upset she was with their allegedly unjust behavior. She finished her little speech with this:
 
I don’t even feel like I want to be here right now!
 
That woman was summarily warned that she was about to be charged with contempt of court.
 
Adults acting like toddlers — that’s the fruit of allowing our feelings to rule the day.
 
I addressed this issue last weekend while teaching a workshop at my local church called “Passionate Parenting: How to Raise Wholehearted Followers of Jesus.” (Yes, I’m working on the book.)
 
During the workshop, I made a remark which I need to tweak a bit: Feelings lie.
 
That’s true, but it’s more accurate to say feelings can lie. I gave the example of how, when Hitler came to power, the German people felt great about him.
 
Feelings don’t necessarily tell us the truth.
 
When Scott and I were married, the minister made a profound statement which we have never forgotten:
 

“Feelings are feelings; they are neither right nor wrong. What matters is what you do with them.”

 
Wise words, these. They’ve helped us keep our perspective when it comes to the role of our feelings.
 
We need to be kind and sensitive, acknowledging one another’s feelings so that each person has a voice. We also need to recognize that our feelings, while real to us, can distort the truth and lead us astray.
 
That’s true for any relationship.
 
For example, a wife may feel hurt when her husband forgets to plan a date for them on the Friday he had promised. Her feelings may tell her that he doesn’t care or doesn’t love her.
 
But let’s say she communicates with her man, and he apologizes, explains how stressed he has been at work, and assures her he does love her and wants to spend time with her.
 
Now the wife has a choice. She can believe her husband and the good intentions of his heart toward her, or she can follow her feelings and become bitter.
 
It’s not about disregarding our feelings, but it’s not about trusting them implicitly, either.
 
Feelings are not right or wrong; they just are.
 
It’s what you do with them that matters.
 
To comment, click on title.