This Could Transform Your Relationships

It was once part of common courtesy, but nowadays we are too distracted by a million responsibilities, too casual in our interactions to realize we often ignore this most important thing.

We fail to see the people we love.

By “see,” I don’t just mean having our eyeballs briefly register that someone is present. I mean “see” as Native American and other indigenous cultures mean it.  As in, focusing intentionally on the person-hood of another. Remember the scene in Dances with Wolves where the warrior shouts his heartfelt goodbye to the white man he has come to know and trust?

I see you, he cries.

 I acknowledge you. I refuse to take you for granted. You matter to me, and I am honored to be in your presence.

Stop for a moment and breathe that in. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to be seen this way?

One subtle way we stop noticing each other is by dispensing with greetings. I have been especially guilty of this within the context of my own family. Those who live under my roof are around all the time, so I have often ignored niceties like, Good morning, or How did your day go? or a hug.  After all, it almost feels cheesy.

So I opt for picking up the last conversation where it left off, or walking by on my way to some all-important task, or mentioning something I just saw on Facebook, instead of really seeing the one I am talking at.

  I’m starting to think being a little cheesy is better than taking my relationships for granted.

God values greetings. He sets example after example of attaching high value to individuals. Consider how often characters in the Bible are greeted with honor and full attention: Gideon, mighty man of valor … Daniel, man greatly loved … Mary, favored one…

God notices people. He greets them. He gives them honor and value.

  In other words, God sees us. 

I wonder how much depth and sweetness this simple act could add to our relationships. I wonder how much more significant we would feel, we who live in an attention-starved world, if we really saw each other.

In Jesus’ time, he promised a blessing for those who offered a cup of cold water in his name. Today, most of us have cold running water. What we lack and long for is attention. Isn’t it tragic to think that the very ones we love the most could be parched and suffering because we take them for granted?

The next time you see your spouse or teen or close friend, that person you normally breeze right by, be intentional about noticing them. Smile and look them in the eyes. Ask a question and listen for the answer. Stretch yourself a bit beyond the normal grunt or casual glance.

See the person you love – and see your relationship blossom.