Countless popular Christian books, sermons, and Bible studies promote the doctrine that husbands should act as the leaders of their homes.
Complementarians have possessed the lion’s share in the world of Christian publishing over the last few decades—and books can shape collective consciousness.
Does an idea’s popularity and market saturation make it correct?
The only passage in the entire Bible which describes the rule of man over woman is Genesis 3:16,
“To the woman he said, ‘I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’”
This passage describes the consequences of sin, not God’s ideal for humanity.
No other verse in Scripture—not one—can be quoted to claim God’s design is for men to rule over women. Not one single New Testament person or writer tells husbands to have leadership or spiritual authority over their wives—not Jesus, not Paul, not Peter, nor anyone else.[1]
Still, to support the idea of men having authority over their wives, complementarians try to use Ephesians 5:22-24,
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
On the surface, this seems to mean wives should submit, and, because they are the “head,” men should lead.
Let’s not jump to that conclusion before we ask what Paul meant given the literary context of these verses, the cultural context in which Paul’s original readers lived, and the meaning of the term “head.”
With this in mind, turn to Ephesians 5:18-33.
Considering that Christians in Ephesus (and elsewhere) faced persecution for their faith, and that the gospel could easily be misunderstood as socially rebellious, Paul addresses Christian living carefully and wisely.
He wants believers to be filled with the Spirit and uplift each other with songs that flow from heartfelt gratitude toward God (Eph. 5:18-20). He wants them to submit to one another (5:21). Within the framework of mutual submission, he gives an example—wives submitting to husbands (5:22).
Given the extremely patriarchal culture of the day, no one would have raised an eyebrow over the idea of wives submitting to husbands. There was nothing uniquely Christian about that. After all, Roman law offered men binding authority over their wives and unmarried daughters.[2]
But watch what happens as Paul shifts from three verses addressing wives to seven verses addressing husbands (5:25-31). Instead of the expected instructions on how husbands should rule and govern their wives while maintaining their own honor,[3] he challenges them with something new, radical and, this time, uniquely Christian.[4]
Paul exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church—as much as they love their own bodies. Talk about shocking his audience! Such a priority would have been unheard of. Paul doesn’t command men to lead their wives—he commands them to love them.
Let’s be clear—Paul is not suggesting that men exercise their authority in a nice way.[5] He is asking them to give up their male privilege to become loving servants of their wives. (Philippians 2:6-11 describes the self-emptying, sacrificial humility of Christ, the supreme example for husbands—and for all of us—to follow.)
As to “head” in Eph. 5:23 (kephale), it literally means the top of the body. Kephale is used only one other place in Scripture regarding the male/female relationship (1 Cor. 11:3). Scholars continue to debate what Paul meant by this metaphor he seems to have invented.[6]
Complementarians believe he is teaching male headship. In our modern English understanding, “head” means “the place of leadership or command,” but a meaning of “authority over” would have been foreign to Paul’s audience.[7]
Some egalitarian scholars translate kephale as “source,” as in “source of life” or “origin,” and this is a possibility. Perhaps the best translation, based on 5:24, is “precedence.” Husbands enjoyed prominence (higher status) in the marriage.[8]
Paul asks husbands to lay down their preeminent status as Jesus did for the church.
Far from reinforcing the patriarchal norms of his day by calling on husbands to lead, he subtly subverts ungodly cultural values by calling on husbands to love their wives in a yielded, unifying, sacrificial way—an instruction which beautifully reflects the gospel.
It’s true Scripture gives a command for husbands that starts with “L” and has four letters. But that command isn’t to lead—it’s to love.
[1] Marg Mowczko, “Five Flawed Ideas About Headship in Marriage,” https://margmowczko.com/male-headship-ephesians-5/
[2]Craig Keener, Paul, Women and Wives, (Hendrickson Publisher: Peabody, MS), 1992, 165.
[3] Keener, Paul, Women and Wives, (Hendrickson Publishers, 167.
[4] Kevin Giles, What the Bible Actually Teaches on Women, (Cascade Books: Eugene, OR), 2018, 166.
[5] Giles, 166.
[6] Giles, 162.
[7] Mowczko, “Paul’s Use of Kephale (“Head”) in Ephesians,” https://margmowczko.com/head-body-in-ephesians/
[8] Giles, 167.
Photo by Jessica Rockowitz on Unsplash
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