You just heard someone in your small group lost a parent to cancer. A family down the street lost their house in a fire. Your friend’s son, who had been dealing drugs, has disappeared.
Hard things happen on this sin-sick planet, and when they do, our response can make all the difference for the suffering ones.
Here are some helpful suggestions for what to say and do when tragedy strikes:
- Be present. Expressing your concern via social networking is a good first step, but don’t leave it at that. Your physical presence, or even the sound of your voice on the phone, can bring a comfort that typed words simply can’t.There’s no replacement for a tender voice or a gentle hug.
- Take initiative. People in crisis are limited in their physical and emotional energy and their ability to think clearly. They may feel disoriented, forgetful, a bit lost. That’s why saying, “Let me know if I can do anything,” is not very helpful. Instead, suggest something specific, such as “How about if I pick up some groceries for you today?”
- Be slow, quiet and calm. When facing crisis, people need calm surroundings and a minimum of stimulation. Grieving people feel like they are in a time warp, so slow yourself down to their pace when in their presence. Offer some insulation from the usual atcha-atcha-atcha world. Avoid loud activities or joking. The reason hospitals are kept quiet is that bodies and souls need quiet for the healing process.
- Be sensitive. Avoid offering platitudes or trying to get your friend to cheer up. The last thing they need is invalidation of their feelings. Whether they are sad, angry, or confused, don’t place a burden of expectation on them to look at the bright side. There will be time enough for cheer once they come out of the valley of the shadow. For now, just listen.
- Be extra gracious. If the person you are helping gets irritated with you, remember they are not themselves. They most likely don’t realize they are taking out their stress on you. Lower your social expectations for the time being. Let the grumpy comments slide off you like water off a duck. Practice forgiveness.
- Do your part. Decide you will go the extra mile for a while. Allow yourself to be inconvenienced for someone else’s sake. On the other hand, don’t try to be too big of a hero; others have a part to play, too. Ask God to show you what your role looks like. He knows how to assign just the right person to each need.
You can’t stop hardship or difficulty from occurring, but you can make it easier for your loved one to face. Be a quiet, gentle presence. Offer specific help. Listen more than you talk.
What are some helpful ways others have served you during a rough time?
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