If you’re a woman, think about how many times you’ve walked into a new situation and started out by complimenting the other women in the room.
I really like that color on you. Those shoes are super cute! I love your earrings.
Or am I the only one?
I thought not.
Compliments aren’t inherently good or bad. It all depends on our motive.
If praise is genuine and flows from a pure motive of building others up, compliments are great. But if praise is false or the motive is to fend off insecurity and get others to like us … maybe not so much.
I’m a natural encourager, careful to speak blessings, not curses. Perhaps you’re the same way. Whether you are male or female, the one thing folks like us may need to watch for is a different kind of snare for our tongues.
We have to be careful not to let our compliments drift into flattery.
Flattery is defined as excessive and insincere praise, especially that given to further one’s own interests.
Have you ever complimented someone because you wanted to get something out of the relationship? Have you ever inflated the truth about another, to get them to like you? Do you praise too quickly and too highly, emptying your words of impact?
Is it too easy for others to be “awesome” in your estimation?
Praise is like salt. A spare amount enhances the whole meal, but a cupful ruins it. Too much constant praise tastes bad and turns the stomach.
Better not speak at all than to speak insincere, empty words to inflate others’ egos for our own gain.
Psalm 12:2 says, “Everyone utters lies to his neighbor; with flattering lips and a double heart they speak.” I hate to think this might be true of me, but I have to be willing to examine my heart.
Let’s look at some of the reasons we may have for crossing the line into flattery:
- To live vicariously through another
- To earn a favor, or manipulate someone else
- To look better than we are
- To make sure no one dislikes or rejects us
- We haven’t learned to use our words sparingly
Here’s the difference of effect between genuine praise and flattery: flattery puffs up, but praise builds up.
Flattery is like hot air inflating a balloon that doesn’t last, and can easily pop. Praise uses words to build something lasting and strong in the soul of another. Genuine praise is remembered for years. It goes deep.
Next time I’m tempted to flatter someone, I plan to ask myself two quick questions:
- What’s my motive?
- Am I telling the truth?
I want my compliments to be flattery-free.
How about you? Has this been a struggle?
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