I’m pretty sure you don’t get up in the morning and wonder, Who can I put down today? Yet there is one person you might be unkind to on a regular basis — and not even be aware of it.
I’m talking about how you treat you. Have you ever been guilty of having these kinds of conversations in your head?
- You big dummy. You did it again!
- What is wrong with you?
- I’m no good at __________.
Picture Chris Farley in the Saturday Night Live skit as the bumbling talk-show host, slapping himself on the head, saying, “Auuugh! I’m so stupid!”
You do that sometimes, right? You lash yourself verbally and mentally. You demand a high standard, then berate yourself if you don’t meet it.
Let me ask you a question: How would you feel if someone else walked up to you and said to you the things you’ve been saying to yourself?
Probably angry, and rightfully so. Who are they to call you names and talk negatively about you? What right do they have to emotionally bully you?
The answer is, none. Have you considered that you don’t have a right to talk that way to you, either?
Jesus said, “… as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” — Luke 6:31
We call this the Golden Rule. Jesus was beginning with the assumption that we wish to be treated well by others.
Since you are part of humanity, let’s apply the principle with you on both sides of the equation: As you wish that others would do to you, so do to yourself!
Occasionally I’ve caught my husband putting himself down. I’ll say, “Hey, don’t talk like that about the man I love!”
Why is it so easy to put ourselves down? Where does self-contempt come from?
Some of us grew up in homes where there was much correction and little, if any, affirmation. Some of us were told we were special, yet we still hunger for more validation.
What is it about the human condition that causes so many of us to hang our heads in self-reproach?
Sin causes us to suffer from a universal sense of shame — whether it’s things we’ve done, or things done to us.
Somehow, we figure that practicing the art of self-contempt will help us diminish this heavy load. We fear being truly known by others (and therefore despised), so we sabotage our relationships by using self-hatred.
In The Wounded Heart, Dan Allender lists four levels of self-contempt ranging from “least severe” to “very severe.” He suggests a series of questions to see where you might be on the scale.
These questions range from “Am I uncomfortable when someone compliments me?” to “Do I beat up on myself when I sin?” to ” Do I think about hurting myself physically?”
Counseling may be in order if you find yourself really struggling in this area. As a start, here are some steps away from self-contempt.
- First, establish the truth of what God says about you and your value. Make a list of appropriate verses and focus on one every week. This is a powerful exercise.
- Second, establish healthy boundaries in your thought life. Capture thoughts that are self-condemning and expose them to the light of God’s truth.
- Start a new practice. Instead of self-contempt, practice self-love. Give yourself some slack — and speak compliments instead of insults!
New habits feel awkward at first — but I’m guessing you’re tired of getting beat up by thoughts straight from the enemy of your soul.
What’s a favorite verse that speaks of your value as a child of God?
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