Are you a hoarder? I’m not talking about rooms stacked to the ceiling with ancient newspapers. I’m wondering … do you hoard and hide the burdens of your soul?
Here’s a simple test to discover whether you trust others:
- Do you wait until you are utterly desperate before you talk about a problem?
- When you do talk, is it to only one person?
- Do you swear that person to secrecy?
If so, you might be a burden-hoarder.
Hoarding means to collect and amass items you can’t bear to part with. The motive is fear. Hoarding is a sickness.
It works the same way whether you hoard money or trinkets or the deep dark secrets of your soul.
When we refuse to allow others to share the weight of our burdens, we rob them of a blessing — and we rob ourselves of the richness God meant for us to have in relationships.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
Here’s the problem: many of us have been deeply wounded, sometimes over and over.
So we’ve learned to shut down our hearts and stop trusting.
It feels safer that way — but it’s not.
Jesus compares us to sheep, and the devil to a wolf. Is a sheep safe in isolation?
No. The Good Shepherd leaves the ninety-nine to seek the one lost lamb, because it faces countless dangers by straying from the herd.
You may protest, “But I was attacked by wolves in sheep’s clothing!”
If that’s you, I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t be that way.
The Church is full of people in process, and some of us have really rough edges. “Grace-growers” might be a ridiculously sweet way to put it sometimes, right?
Having said that, the answer to your pain is still not isolation.
Jesus grows us up and heals us in community. Paul instructs us to love one another, be patient with one another, pray for one another, and so on. Our walk with Christ is a family thing.
As one of my Bible college professors often said, “It’s not just me and Jesus on the Jericho road!”
If you feel paralyzed by the inability to trust, it may be appropriate for you to seek professional help.
In the meantime, may I offer a suggestion?
The Bible consistently recommends two or three witnesses for difficult issues. Why is this?
First, secrets are heavy.
In your desperation to unburden yourself, you can unwittingly force your friend to carry something too hard for one person to shoulder alone.
This means that, in an ironic twist, your desire to protect yourself can make you an unsafe person to others.
(Hold on — I’ll show you how to quickly and easily prevent this!)
Second, your friend doesn’t have all the answers.
Wisdom is like a multi-faceted diamond. God gives different people different perspectives. You need to understand more than one aspect of the challenge you face.
So here’s an idea for the next time you are tempted to say to a friend, “I’m desperate to talk to someone, but promise me you won’t tell anyone else about this.”
Follow this rule:
Instead of telling one person, tell two or three.
If at all possible, tell them at the same time in the same place. Let them chime in together to support you, love you and offer their wisdom.
This way, the load is shared, and you gain multiple perspectives.
That’s a simple way to start replacing the old pattern of hiding and hoarding with God’s way of healing.
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