It started out innocently enough. I just wanted to get some rest one afternoon, but the neighbor’s dog was barking non-stop. So I thought I would simply ask my neighbor if there was a way he could get the dog to quiet down for a while.
A reasonable request, right? Not so much, from his perspective. No sooner had I gotten past the initial greeting and to my request when he shouted: “I don’t like you! You’re bad neighbors!”
Then came a litany of complaints he had against me and my husband.
I stood rooted to the spot, my mouth gaping open like it belonged to a prize fish. All I could manage was, “Wow!” as I thought, I’m pretty sure I’m not getting a nap out of this. My face burned. My heart raced. After a few minutes of letting him vent and trying in vain to have a reasonable conversation, I excused myself and left.
Then I went home and cried.
I had just experienced a shame storm, a term I learned from The Gifts of Imperfection by Dr. Brene Brown. Picture the horrified fascination you feel when you see the effects of a hurricane on the evening news. Houses reduced to kindling, cars tossed about like Matchbox toys, whole towns flattened.
Wind gone wild is incredibly destructive. Words gone wild are, too. The writer of Proverbs tells us the power of life and death is in the tongue.
The good thing is, I handled this shame storm better than some. Jesus instructed us to turn the other cheek when someone strikes us, and hopefully I did that. I didn’t run away – I faced the hard words. I didn’t say anything sarcastic, not even afterwards to others. I made an effort to respond graciously, but I also didn’t accept the man’s harsh assessment of my character.
Even though it hurt, the wound stayed clean, and it quickly healed. Courage and forgiveness feel so much better than letting self-justification fester.
Have you faced a shame storm lately? What was your response?
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