6 Helpful Things to Offer Your Chronically-Ill Friend

You get what they don’t need.

They don’t need platitudes. They don’t need theological proof texts pointing to sin in their life.

They don’t need another burden — the burden of condemnation, or forced cheerfulness, or a sense of obligation to try your sure-fire remedy.

We talked about those in last week’s post.

But what can you do that your loved one will appreciate? What actions lighten their load and brighten their day?

1. Your gentleness and sensitivity.

There’s a reason hospitals are kept quiet. Sick people get easily stressed by noise and activity, and this impairs healing.

When you are in the presence of a physically frail person, make an effort to restrain your most boisterous self.  Slow down and quiet down.

Resist the urge to try to bring your friend up to your level of cheerfulness. Instead, adjust yourself to her level of ability to engage with you emotionally.

2. Your prayer and spiritual encouragement.

Remember the paralytic whose four friends lowered him on a mat through the roof of the house where Jesus was speaking? It was their faith that resulted in his healing — not his own.

Pray for your friend aloud. Share beautiful, powerful truths from Scripture about healing. Be willing to walk out the tension of the already/not yet with him.

Assure him that, even if he doesn’t feel up to praying himself at times. you are praying for him.

3. The gift of your presence.

People with significant physical symptoms don’t have a “normal” life.  They don’t run around doing whatever they please. It can mean a great deal to be invited to a quiet lunch with a friend, or a gentle walk in the park.

Such kindnesses uplift a person’s spirit and increase their hope level.

4. Your permission to grieve.

Your friend or family member is experiencing loss — loss of abilities, loss of opportunities, loss of a normal life. Their pain and other problems may make it nearly impossible to focus on anything else but symptom management.

This is not a fun place to be.

As with any loss, sick people need permission to grieve. You can help out by providing a shoulder to cry on at times.

Just listen. Express how sorry you are that they are going through this. Send them a card during an especially rough time — just be sure your words are empathetic, not fluffy.

Lauren Littauer Briggs, author of The Art of Helping, suggests, “Avoid comments that focus on the future, or a get-well type comment such as, “I hope you feel better.’ ”

Better wording might be, “I’m praying that God gives you strength, comfort and rest today.”

 5. Your practical help.

Ordinary chores tend to pile up for those suffering from ongoing physical limitations.

Rather than saying, Just let me know if I can do anything, which puts responsibility back on your friend, how about initiating a plan?

Simply say, I’m going grocery shopping. What can I pick up for you today? Or, I have a couple of hours I’d love to spend puttering in your flowerbeds — is that okay?

6. Your affirmation.

Chronic illness can make a person feel like a leper — in other words, like an outcast and a burden. They may feel tired of asking for help and prayer.

Build up your friend. Remind her of what you appreciate about her, regardless of sickness. Let her know what a gift she is to those around her.

Make it clear that, in your eyes, she is nothing less than a precious image bearer of God.

Do these ideas help your game plan?

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