Today’s sexuality is akin to selecting a jelly bean — we pick and choose our sexual orientation based on how we feel. Even so, there’s one sexual option that stands out as shockingly unusual in our culture.
I’m not talking about sex change operations, or homosexuality or bi-sexuality. Nor am I talking about heterosexual monogamy in marriage, though many no longer see this as the norm any more.
No, I’m referring to the choice some have made to celebrate healthy manhood or womanhood in the context of being celibate.
In other words, they’ve chosen to live without sex — either for a season, or a lifetime.
That sounds so weird, doesn’t it? Isn’t sex on the same level as food or air or water, a necessity for life? Even if they could, why would anyone want to live without it?
Here’s the thing: our culture is so enamored with sex that we have elevated it to something more than it is. We think of it as a basic need, something we can’t survive without.
We’ve bought into the lie which evolution theory has posited — that we are mere animals who cannot help but give in to our base urges.
On the one hand, we put sex on a pedestal. On the other hand, we strip it of its sacred value.
Instead of treating this gift of God like a treasure, we throw it around like so much loose change.
It’s perfectly normal today for a young man to expect sex from a young woman just because he paid for her dinner. Which means he values her less than a prostitute, when you think about it.
But this is the world we live in. Sexual “freedom” has become sexual chaos.
There’s terrible collateral damage in countless human hearts.
In the midst of this mess, Christians need to hold out hope more strongly than ever.
We need to demonstrate by our lives that the truth of God’s word has not changed, and that the path to blessing remains the same: obedience to him.
We need to live out the truth that sex is neither necessary for survival, nor to be treated flippantly.
I Peter 4:3,4a says, “For the time that is past suffices for doing what the Gentiles want to do, living in sensuality, passions, drunkenness, orgies, drinking parties, and lawless idolatry. With respect to this they are surprised when you do not join them in the same flood of debauchery, and they malign you.”
The Amplified Bible renders the word “surprised” as “astonished.” In today’s culture, people think that sexual restraint is just flat weird, and may even speak poorly of those who make this choice.
Isaiah warns, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!” –Isaiah 5:19-21
The world shouts, Whatever sexual urges you have, you should act on them! That’s who you are! But the Christian response is, I have another choice, and obedience to Christ is my joy and privilege.
Celibacy is an honorable biblical choice. It leaves a person free to pursue Christ with their whole heart, unencumbered by the cares of married life (1 Corinthians 7).
Celibacy is a path of blessing for those who are tempted with same-sex attraction. It’s a life lived within healthy boundaries, offering freedom to the devoted heart of a single Christ-follower.
Celibacy is not weird. It’s not impossible. It’s a healthy, godly, doable lifestyle.
Let’s embrace and honor our single brothers and sisters who choose celibacy over sexual sin.
Let’s allow their integrity and devotion to inspire us all.
To comment, click on title.
John Morgan says
Of the 7.3 billion living in the world today, can you name three who are living out the truth that sex is not necessary for survival?
susmaynes says
I’m assuming you are referring to the survival of the human race as a whole? I’m certainly not advocating that all people choose celibacy as a lifestyle (in which case we would indeed be in trouble). My point here is that, if Joe Smith decides not to eat, drink, or breathe, he’ll die … but if he decides to abstain from sex, he won’t. Hope that makes sense.
John Morgan says
I would hope that three people choosing celibacy wouldn’t jeopardize the survival of the human race. I’m one of those people that chose this option and I’ve been faithful during the course of my lifetime. I’m now a senior citizen. The point I was trying to make is this: Churches spend a great deal of time and money elevating marriage and family as the ideal lifestyle. Think of all the singles groups where people paired up and mated, the millions of weddings every year, and all the wedding anniversaries that are celebrated. The married lifestyle is affirmed beyond recognition. But can you imagine celebrating a wedding anniversary in your church wihere the couple was not identified? The same thing holds true for celibacy. In order for it to be biblically affirmed and learned from, people have to be identified – whether that’s 3 in the whole world or 3,000,000.
susmaynes says
So true, John, and thank you for sharing! “I identify as celibate” is not something we hear, yet this choice truly needs to be celebrated and seen as healthy in our sex-saturated culture. The church needs to understand and support single Christians much better than we have done in the past — amen to that. Thank you for your honorable example.
Ursula says
Celibacy for the purposes you mention are indeed godly and honorable. However, as someone who was single well into her mid-thirties, I saw a disturbing trend within the church. Many people, especially men, remain single far too long, not for honorable purposes, but for purely selfish reasons. Society today doesn’t require people to settle down at young ages anymore, and many people, including Christians, take advantage of this. A lot of Christian single women are languishing because of the perpetual adolescence of the men in modern churches. Church leaders erroneously place all of these motivations, honorable and selfish, into one pot and encourage people to “enjoy the gift of singleness.” I would wholeheartedly support and honor someone who wished to serve Christ alone instead of get married, or someone who was celibate due to struggles with homosexuality; unfortunately I don’t think the majority of singles in the church fit into these categories.
susmaynes says
Excellent point, Ursula. You are quite right about a very real problem. What I had in my mind in writing this was more along the lines of choosing celibacy proactively for godly reasons — not for putting off adulthood and responsibility. You bring up a good topic for a future post!
Kal says
There actually is a sexual orientation for that 🙂 It’s called asexuality, or the lack of sexual attraction. Some asexuals are entirely repulsed by sex and just cannot be anywhere near it or the idea, while others (grey-asexuals) can sometimes feel it. Others are demisexual, meaning they don’t experience sexual attraction until they form a close emotional bond with their partner or eventual spouse.
All of these sexualities fall under the asexual–or ace–spectrum. While some do choose to remain in celibacy, about every 1 in 100 people will not experience sexual attraction in their lifetime.
I love your article and agree with all of it’s principles. I love your take on how sexuality has easily become rampant and out of control, but sometimes not focusing on it at all can be easier. But I wanted to share these terms with you in case you were curious or might later like to look into them for the sake of research or any other reason 🙂
Thank you for your article! It’s beautiful and godly, and I love your gentle and kind approach to this topic.
susmaynes says
Kal, thank you so much for this! I was approaching the topic more from a spiritual perspective, but this is excellent information, and much of it is new to me. Your explanation brings to mind Jesus’ words in Matthew 19:12. Thanks again!